Going off the rails
Following your own authentic journey is hard.
In the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers, she suggests that we have two voices in our heads - the chatterbox and our authentic voice. The chatterbox rarely shuts up and it takes some time before you’re able to stop her incessant nagging and overthinking so that you can listen to the authentic voice that will guide you toward where you really are supposed to go.
When you decide to turn your life upside down, doing something completely new and different, yet you know without a doubt it’s what you’re supposed to be doing, people react in unexpected ways, both good and bad.
To Share or Not to Share
I remember telling my closest friends that I was going to resign from teaching and pursue becoming a writer, and really being excited to break it to them before so many others. The reaction wasn’t what I had hoped for. Or perhaps it mostly was, but I ended up focusing only on the negative. (Why is that always the focus??) One of the comments I can’t unhear was, “Ohhhhhh. I could never do that!” While it seemed not to be about me, it kinda was. It felt like I was doing something ridiculous, and it stuck with me.
Some family members weren’t any better. I had a couple who could not believe I was leaving my stable, salaried job, complete with paid insurance, to tackle the unknown. One person even went so far as to text in a group chat, “Are you working full time yet, Heidi?” I had to lay my phone down and walk outside before I said all the ugly responses that popped into my head.
Because really, when I finally decided to follow my dream of being a writer, I was working lots more than full time. I was cold emailing possible clients, building my website, making connections and networking on LinkedIn, creating spreadsheets of the people I was emailing and networking with so I knew when to contact them again, building social media accounts for my business, pitching article ideas, researching article ideas, conducting interviews and writing. I was working way more than overtime, but of course, the comment was meant to hurt me and translated to, “Are you making money like you’re working full time yet, Heidi?”
Is it Me or Is it You?
After a few of these comments, I realized that the negative reactions were more about the person delivering them than they were about me. Not that they still didn’t sting like hell. I was doing something rebels do, going off the rails, living by my own lights, and that’s something a lot of people don’t understand. You’re supposed to find a decent job, live modestly, and not rock the boat, right?
Choosing to walk away from my teaching job meant I was following my own path. It’s a path uniquely created by me, and if too many people stop and think about it too long, might there be more that attempt to follow their dream?
I’ve always loved the question: if money weren’t an issue, what would you be doing? Would you still be in the job you’re in, or would you be following your heart’s desire? And if you happen to be able to say, you’d still be doing the same thing…lucky you for already being where you love and knowing you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
The Best was Yet to Come
The best reactions came from my hubby. At first, he couldn't understand it. He told me, in a gentle and absolutely non-accusatory way, that he had been raised to go to work to provide for his family, and because of that, my resignation confused him. But he knew I wasn’t quitting because I didn’t want to work. It was just that it had become work that I couldn’t do anymore.
Once I started having some success with getting articles published and he overheard people telling me they were impressed with my writing skills, he came to me, gathered me into a hug, looked straight into my eyes, and told me I was so much braver than he. He had kept the same job for forty-some years, not because he loved it and couldn’t wait to get to work each day, but because he felt like he was doing what he was supposed to - providing for his family.
I’ve never received a better compliment and it makes me realize what a gift I’ve been given to be able to follow my dream and have his full and unending support.