A Nickname to Grow Into

A long time ago, in my very first teaching job, I taught high school English on a nearby Indian Reservation. While there, I taught a girl who, after she got to know me pretty well, called me a Badass.

These kids grow up fast

I should mention that my students on the reservation had seen a lot more of life than the students I would go on to teach in Nebraska. These kids had been through and seen things that I hope to never see, and yet it was their everyday experience. I’m not exaggerating when I say that alcoholism, rape, and abandonment were commonplace for them. Often, these kids were caretakers of younger kids in their families. I may have been teaching high school kids, but they had already experienced so much of the ugly in the world and it aged them. 

My student (hello Jonan!) anointed me Badass and I never stopped her from saying it. I don’t remember her ever calling me that in front of a principal and I was secretly delighted with the title. Every time she said it, I would smile, but also give her a look that conveyed we both knew she shouldn’t be calling me that. 

Much more BA than I

This girl would go on to become much more of a badass than I ever was - singing and playing the guitar in a band, interning at Nike, creating a documentary, and continuously posting glamorous modeling shoots on social media. 

She embodies every part of that title. But, each time she said it to me, I wanted to become better. I wanted to be certain I was living up to her hype. As a teacher, I did that by making sure I was pushing her and preparing her for the real world, which she was actually living day-to-day already. As a writer, I now find myself surrounded by all things “badass.” 

Jen Sincero has a series of Badass book titles, which I’ve devoured. She’s the author of You are a Badass, You are a Badass at Making Money, You Are A Badass Every Day, and Badass Habits. I also have her You Are A Badass planner and daily calendar. I love her message but it’s also a shout-out to my former student who firmly planted the idea in my head that I could be more. 

One person I didn’t want to disappoint

The name made me think back to my elementary-age self and all the dreams I knew I was going to achieve as I got older. The dreams that fell by the wayside as I realized that life was not always kind to people with big dreams. Adults needed dependable jobs and regular paychecks, and my dreams of becoming a writer never guaranteed that. 

When I quit teaching, I found myself thinking a lot about that young girl. I wondered what would have happened if I would’ve just shut out the noise of the world and followed her dreams? Why is it that other people’s opinions seem so important? 

Debts to pay

To honor that girl, I have a photo of her hanging inside my medicine cabinet. I owe her. I focus on her twice a day as I’m brushing my teeth, and running through several affirmations: “Anything is possible,” “You got this,” “The power of you,” and “Strength.” 

I also owe my student who thought I was a badass when I really wasn’t. I was an educator because everyone in my family had been one. And it was good for me. I use so many of the skills I developed as a teacher in my everyday life today.   

I guess I’m a slow learner. But I think when you finally become okay with taking risks that you feel deep inside, that’s when your inner voice becomes louder than all the others. It makes me believe that I’m finally learning what being a badass is all about.